Antoinette Elisabeth van Tongeren (”Lies”) was born on 7 August 1929 in Bandung, Dutch East Indies, the youngest of 8 children and the only daughter of Jeanette and Peitrus, she could hold her own. Lies often would say having grown up in a household of predominantly men she was always ‘one of the boys’.

Her early years in Dutch East Indies were filled with being outdoors, climbing trees and playing soccer with her brothers. They had a dachshund called Takle, a monkey called Yoko and a cockatoo called Jacob. Yoko eventually had to be donated to the zoo as, of no surprise to anyone, they could not keep a monkey in the house. Jacob and Lies were inseparable.

At 5 years old Lies taught herself to ride a bike, with the encouragement of her brother, Miel. Lies, like with all things, was determined to teach herself. Jacob would sit on her shoulders and play with her earrings, she would take him with her when she rode her bike down the hills with tremendous speed.

The van Tongeren household was filled with love and laughter, and staff to help cook and clean. Lies always enjoyed being in the company of her brothers, and they loved their little sister! Lies was close with her 7th brother, Han and the two youngest were always together. She had fond memories of her and Han regularly pinching ingredients and food from the kitchen and from the family cook and causing mischief.

Lies grew up in a home where her mother insisted she get an education, rather than stay home and undertake ‘home duties’, this was rather progressive at the time and a trait Lies kept close to her throughout her life.

Lies and her father were incredibly close, and being the only girl, Lies was spoilt by him. At the young age of 7, Lies auditioned for her first school play and got the role of the Holy Mother. Lies spoke of her love of the theatre, and passion of being on stage and as an adult she pursued this as a hobby. Her formative years brought out Lies’ love for food, entertaining and animals.

In 1941 Lies’ quiet life was shattered when War encroached upon the Dutch East Indies and in December of that year it was occupied by the Japanese. Much like those of her era, Lies rarely spoke about the War but often mentioned even through she was only 12 years old she knew her freedom and childhood ended in that moment. However, she also spoke positively about her years during this time, she would find fun and cause mischief even in dark moments in her life. During the War, she worked for a time at a soup kitchen, her and her friend, Mijty, were given the job of delivering soup on their bikes. For some reason, every time they went out for their delivery, they got the giggles and the bike would wobble around. By the time the soup arrived to the recipient, they only had a few spoonfuls left.

Lies also worked for a while at the library and was entrusted with looking after 10,000 books, and also held a job as a nanny looking after her 4 year old cousin, the nannying job came with food and boarding, and was in Lies’ words ‘’one less mouth for Ma to feed’’. Lies only spoke positively of her time at these jobs, and mentioned she was made a salmon salad, remembering this was during wartime, and could still remember how it tasted decades later.

Lies’ mother, always insistent that Lies continue her education, even though they were in occupied Indonesia found a teacher who compromised her safety to teach Lies. It was dangerous to be learning in Dutch, rather than in Japanese, and Lies had to hide her books in her blouse and learn basic Japanese to avoid suspicion, however she was determined to do whatever it took to educate herself. This continued throughout her life, even when she became a mother and then a grandmother she would often provide sage advice to learn a skill, and always continuing to educate yourself – not necessarily academically, but to expand your knowledge of the world. Lies was always curious.

On 15 June 1942 during the War, Lies’ father passed away. Lies was only 12 years old. Her father’s death had a profound impact on her. Lies would tell a story during the War when the bombs were going off, and the rest of the family raced to the bunker, Peitrus would just stay in the back room making himself comfortable in some cushions and would say ‘no stress, they aren’t coming for us’. We suspect this is where Lies may have inherited her sense of being relaxed, even in very confronting situations.

During her working years, Lies was very commercially minded and understood how her skills can fill the gap. She purchased a typewriter in Dutch East Indies and would advertise this to local businesses and schools. As she had a monopoly on being the only one with a typewriter in the area at the time, she could charge any amount she liked. She saved every last penny, and put this money aside.

One of Lies’ brothers, Ben was enlisted in the Dutch Army. He was a Prisoner of War on the Burma Railway. He had a Sergeant called Alexander Warlicht, or Lex, also captured as a Prisoner of War in Thailand. You will soon find out Lex features a lot in Lies’ life.

Some years after the War ended, Ben and Lex continued to keep in contact. They ran into each other at the local radio store one day, and became close friends. In her own words, this is how Lies knew there was some interest from Lex:

‘’As Lex always stayed in Ben’s room there was not much communication [between Lex and I], until I found a pair of nice stockings on the table [with my name on them. My brothers had gathered around], ‘’who from?’’ I asked, ‘’from Lex’’ was Han’s answer. ‘’Why from Lex?’’ I was surprised. Han replied, ‘’Perhaps he saw the ladders in your stockings!’’

This obviously worked as Lex proposed by letter when he was in The Netherlands working, and Lies in Bundoeng.  Lex sent a white dress and an engagement ring, and Lies’ Ma a handwritten letter asking for her daughter’s hand in marriage. Lex returned from work in December 1953, and Lies and Lex married on New Year’s Eve in Hollandia, Dutch New Guinea surrounded by friends and family.

When remembering her honeymoon with Lex, Lies would always start giggling. As having a staunch Catholic upbringing, she harboured guilt when not attending church. This extended to her insisting she and Lex attend church two days into their honeymoon. After church on the Sunday, the honeymooning mood was distilled somewhat and to add to this Lies suggested to Lex that her brother Bert should come along as a third-wheel for the duration of their honeymoon to keep an eye on things. The three of them decided to take a boat out into the water, and the rudder broke and Lex and Bert had to paddle the boat back to land. A memorable honeymoon for all involved!

Lies often said ‘’after the honeymoon, Lex went back to work and I had nothing to do. No cooking, no driving, nothing – only looking for flees on our two dogs!’’

Lies and Lex enjoyed married life together in Dutch New Guinea, and took great pleasure in surrounding themselves with their close knit Dutch Indonesian friends. They called themselves the Perkumpulan, and many of whom moved to Australia and continued to meet up decades later at Lies and Lex’s house on their wedding anniversary every year to welcome to new year, and celebrate milestones in each other’s lives, reminise about Dutch new Guinea and eat Dutch-Indo food when they all moved to Australia. The Perkumpulan where very important to Lies.

Lies enjoyed having a luxurious lifestyle with Lex, when Lex decided to build a boat, and then a car. The parts for the car were bought cheaply as they were from old American Jeeps left in the jungle, complete with added rust for a vintage feel. The car consisted of 4 wheels, an axle, gears, a steering wheel, no doors and one rusty seat for the driver, and a rusty post for the passenger. Lies demanded a seat before she would consider sitting in the Jeep! Forever the gentleman, Lex obliged.

Lies enjoyed her time on the boat much more as she had a little more room for a seat of her own. She was comfortable even up until she was seven months pregnant, and could feel her stomach bobbing up and down.

Jump back seven months. Lies was having a cigarette as she usually would, having been a chain smoker since she was 18, Lies would often say people would hide their cigarettes when she was approaching. Lies found the taste of this particular cigarette to be awful, and thought she would try another brand. The same thing happened. Lies then went to the doctor for a check up and found out she was pregnant, she never touched a cigarette again.

Lies and Lex welcomed their first and only child, Marguerite Alice Warlicht, or Marga, in 1957 whilst on their holiday in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. Marguerite was a splitting image of Lex, so Lies had two to contend with.

When in Amsterdam, Lies and Lex were frequent guests at Oma Heermans house. Lies often said, Nothing was too much trouble for Oma Heermans! She was an important person to Lies, Marga was even born in her house!

Six month holidays were provided for every three years, with Lex’s government job, home was still Hollandia at this time until 1962. Lies’ world changed this year. Indonesia sought independence from the Dutch.  Lex was concerned for Lies and Marga’s safety and suggested they leave as soon as possible for The Netherlands. In Lies’ own words, ‘’To Holland? No way! Why not Australia where your sister lives?’’ Lex’s response was ‘’all right, whatever’’.

So Lies took Marga to Australia. Even at this time when her home was unstable, Lies was forever the optimist and always creating silver linings for others and making them feel safe, she said to Marga ‘’we are going on a holiday, take your little blue suitcase and your favourite toy!’’. Lex soon followed within a few months.

Lies remained in Sydney for the next 60 years. The connection to Australia was strong, as she had her brother, Rudy in Melbourne, and sister-in-law Ellen in Sydney. Lies visited them earlier in 1955 by herself.

Lies wanted to establish a solid home base for her family, however, they stayed in Ellen’s garage for around a year, and subsequent places in Willoughby and Randwick until finally moving to Mount Druitt in December 1967, purchasing the land using the funds Lies had kept from her typewriting all those years ago! As Lies’ nephew Laurie remarked on a recent visit, ‘’the house has not changed in 55 years – and it’s seen a lot of love and laughter!”

During the early days in Australia, Marga has a fond memory of when she was around 7 years old in a lollyshop and Lies meant to make a point of lollies being bad for your teeth, but instead, Lies asked Marga, ‘’what do you want, lollies or a toothache?’’ Obviously Marga said ‘’lollies!’’ and Lies being a parent, had to hide her laugh.

This again occurred one Sunday. Every Sunday, icecream was a treat. Marga was concerned by the adults talking and catching up after church, that she would miss her Sunday treat. Lies asked ‘’Who is more important, God or the icecream man?’’ Again, naturally, Marga said ‘’the icecream man!’’

During the early 70s Lies used her commercial sense and realised Australia was lacking in one of her favourite Indonesian foods, tofu, or tahoe. She was excited when she thought she discovered it at the local deli, and purchased a whole pound. When she got home, she excitedly took out the saucepan, added oil and put the tahoe in. It immediately dissepated and spattered everywhere! Lies realised it was actually cottage cheese, and from then on decided to make tahoe herself, with Lex as her sous-chef, or visa versa, and sell it to their Dutch-Indonesian friends also missing their familiar food.

Always the opportunist, times were tough during the 70s as Lex was studying and Marga was in school, and this is why Lies made her own tahoe, and tempeh and could stretch a dollar as far as it could go. During this time she also worked as a cleaner to support her family.

Lies was very proud of her husband and daughter then Lex graduated in electrical engineering, and Marga completed high school, and commenced studying at Beauty College, then Fashion School and finally Nursing School. These were some of Lies’ proud moments as a wife and mother.

Between late 1970s and early 1990s, there were many happy memories and changes in Lies’ life, these included extensive travel, Marga meeting David and Lies and Lex seeing their daughter marry in 1987, as the story goes Lies was so excited to see her daughter marry that on the day of the wedding she wanted to walk Marga down the aisle with Lex, some firm words were said to her in Dutch by Lex which we suspect along the lines of ‘you’re holding up the wedding!’, and suddenly Lies raced down the aisle to take her seat just before the service started.

She was a loving, supportive mother-in-law to David and Lies also enjoyed the addition of two grandchildren in 1989 and 1991. Lies, who beat to her own drum, did not want to be called the traditional ‘’Oma’’ before I (Alex) was born and instead wanted to be called Aunty as she said she was ‘’too young to be an Oma’’. However as soon as she held me as a baby she said knew she wanted to be called Oma.

Lies loved to travel, having already seen and lived in many places, she was always excited to explore different cultures, and being an extreme extravert she loved meeting people and making fond memories.

Lies and Lex always had fun together and laughed a lot when travelling, Lies often spoke of a fond memory of her and Lex visiting caves in Maastricht, Netherlands, and Lies’ candle kept going out, and Lies was sure there was no wind in the cave, eventually she realised Lex kept blowing out her candle so they would both be alone in the dark!

Again, Lies’ brother Bert featured in Lies and Lex’s travels – the three of them hired a very small two-person caravan with a tiny kitchen. Being ones to love cooking, they brought all their own condiments, including fish sauce. Somehow the fish sauce spilt unbeknownst to everyone, and went everywhere when they were driving around, in their caravan, including through their clothes. There was something fishy about this caravan and they didn’t make a lot of friends that trip!

On a trip to Cairns, her brother Han, Marga and Lies were having a picnic and Lies spotted a jackfruit tree with a giant, ripe jackfruit hanging over a raging river ready to be picked. Forever the determined woman Lies was, she insisted on picking that particular jackfruit and inadvertently getting everyone involved as her brother Han was worried Lies would fall into the river. If anyone was watching they would see Lies gripping the jackfruit with Han behind her and Marga behind him like a human tug of war. Her persistence paid off, and she got her jackfruit!

You will see Lies has a giant red bow on her coffin, this was, to no surprise to anyone, at her own request. In our opinion, she is a gift to the afterlife, just like she has been a gift to all of us.

Life granted Lies a beautiful daughter and later her daughter had a family of her own, we were all very close growing up and formed a strong bond with our Oma. She had this ability to make you feel loved and cherished and in on a big secret, just between the two of you – she never lost her youthful spark!

As grandchildren, we held a special place in her heart, and our treatment was no different from anyone else as Oma always made anyone feel welcome, loved and appreciated. She was so unapologetically herself and gracious with her time. She was so full of life and fun, and was seen more as a wise friend than an Oma.

She was so full of sage advice, but also just equally silly, she has a very cheeky sense of humour and loved an inappropriate joke. One day when Oma, Marga and I (Alicia) went for a coffee, Oma’s eyes lit up seeing a costume shop across the road. We all went in and immediately Oma and I beelined for the Hens and Bucks party section. Oma and I were having such a laugh at the size of the fake boobs and big bottoms, and one of my favourite photos of her is her holding the boobs up to try them on and laughing, and then insisting she take a photo of me with the bottom! You will see this photo of Oma included in the slideshow. Oma would always bring a cheeky sense of humour to everything she did, but knew when she was needed to provide a shoulder to lean on, and a hand to hold. When talking about Oma to people who did not have the priviledge of meeting her, I tell them she and I were two peas in a pod.

Oma and I (Alex) would always make each other laugh at the silliest of things. I really appreciated her sense of humour and sense of fun. Including, putting a large log in the recycling bin because it has the same chemical makeup as paper, saying funny Dutch rhymes before bed, using the word ‘Dooshen’ excessively as Mum made this word up to describe having a shower when speaking with Fedorine who is joining us from The Netherlands, playing with cutlery at the table, dumping a whole bootload of green waste between Mt Druitt and St Marys on the understanding that everything is going to decompose anyway and working through some side effects of her recent stroke with funny practice rhymes and just being 100% immature! For those of you who know my sense of humour, Oma’s influence certainly runs strong. I also remember the times Oma would climb on the roof and crawl under the house with me to make repairs, well into her 80s, and ride on the back of the motorbike at the age of 84.

Oma loved to drive! She had a lead foot and drove like she was on P plates! We remember stories about speeding tickets, sharp corners, policemen and she would always say, ‘’if you’re caught for speeding, just say you badly needed to go to the toilet!’’ Never a dull moment with Oma behind the wheel.

In 2002, Lies lost her beloved Lex. Her heart was broken with grief. Lies and Lex did everything as a team and now Lies had to do everything by herself. This was not easy, however she was well prepared for her later life. Lies joined a number of groups where she made an abundance of friends. It took her seven years to get involved in community groups as forever the socialite, she was very busy visiting old friends and enjoying herself until a number of her longer friends passed away.

At the age of 80 Lies took up Drumming and Belly Dancing – she has always been a natural for the stage and it was such a joy to see her involved with women, some of whom are here today and frequently visited her over the last few weeks of her life. We thank you for your friendship and care for Oma. During these busy years it was very hard to get in touch with Oma on the phone as she was driving from event to event, and travelling around Australia with her lovely new friends! She would always say – you are only as old as you feel!

Us watching Oma and our Mum, Marga, over the last 7 years when Marga became Oma’s fulltime carer, has been such a privilege and blessing to see two people already so incredibly close, become closer, giggling, sharing jokes with just one look and being a support and confidant for each other. Thank you Mum for everything you have done, we know Oma appreciated and loved you so wholly.

In Oma’s words, there is no need to be sad about her leaving this world. There is an absolute need to love unconditionally and be a better version of yourself tomorrow. Her legacy is great, her humility is contagious and she always made you feel like a blessing in HER life. Oma was beyond wise and yet extremely playful in nature.

A dear friend, a dear human and the kindest soul you could meet. As you would say, Oma, nothing is permanent, keep on keeping on!